Diets are poopy.

Holy cow I hate diets. I've been on one for like 3 weeks and I just can't take it anymore.

For those of you who don't know me, I LOVE food. Kind of obsessed really. Luckily I'm young and have a really fast metabolism, so I'm still in good shape, despite eating like 4,000 calories a day. (That's about twice what a normal person should eat.) Taco Bell, burgers, pizza, fried chicken, I'm all over it.

But about a month ago, my wife went on some crazy Oprah diet. Because I'm such a great guy, I thought: Hey, I'm not going to be a jerk and eat all this great food in front of her, while she's eating cardboard and leaves. That and she was getting mad at me. And an angry, hungry wife is not good to be around. So I joined the diet. That or be in the doghouse until 2012.

So at first I thought, hey, this won't be that bad, I'll just work on my six-pack and get really cut and buff looking. It'll be cool.

It's not cool. All I think about is food. I'm starving. I would kill someone for a burger. This is awful. I am never going on a diet again after I get off this.

I seriously need some help. Does anyone have tips on making it through a diet?

It is truly a tragic event.